How To Improve Your Self Esteem
“Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.”
Do you sometimes have rough days that leave you scratching your head and wondering when things are ever going to get better?
We’ve all had tough times that have challenged us to the the point of breaking us but you have the unique ability to make great things happen if you only believe in yourself.
Self esteem is not just about feeling good about yourself. No, in fact, it has nothing to do with feelings because over time, feelings change and you want to live your life on a much more solid foundation than the rocky ground that feelings offer.
If you want to gain confidence and self esteem, then it must come from deep inside you. That part of you which is your authentic self. Too often, I see people look to outside factors to validate who they really are and that’s wrong. You don’t need validation. You are special in your own right.
Improving your self esteem comes from living the real you.
Do you actually know the real you or have you been searching for that person all your life?
It’s funny. We live our whole life searching for things that God already gave us but we choose not to see them for what they really are.
Jesus does not see us from our outward appearance as most people tend to do. Instead, he goes straight to the heart. “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7
This is the first rule you should remember. God sees you as you really are not what you want others to see. Once you can understand and implement this into your everyday life then you can start becoming the authentic person God has envisioned you to be.
How To Gain Confidence And Self Esteem
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”
If you want to improve your confidence level then I suggest you start with this; stop listening to your inner critic. This one voice can be your downfall. I’ve seen it in others and I’ve seen it in my own life and it can kill your drive, your happiness as well as your search for that elusive thing called confidence.
According to Claire Shipman and Katty Kay, the co-authors of the book, “The Confidence Code”, “Confidence is about the actions you take not the postures you strike.” So you see, it’s about you taking action and doing what makes you happy and then following through.” They go on to say, “The difference between a confident person and an unconfident person is simply that the confident person acts on their ambitions and desires and who does let that fear of failure stop them.”
This is a critical point for you to take into account as everyone has fears but overcoming those fears brings out the confident person inside. And even if you fail, (all of us have failures. It’s how we learn and grow) it’s all part of the human condition.
Do you think I wasn’t scared about putting my neck out with my first book? Of course I was bit determination is part of the game. You can’t sit on the sidelines. You have to get involved.
Stop procrastinating and do something you love. That builds up confidence and gives you something positive to hang on to. When things go right, celebrate your achievements. When they don’t quite measure up, go back to the drawing board and figure out what went wrong and fix it. Don’t be a perfectionist, be a go-getter. That’s when you build the confidence to overcome your fears.
Look at it from the perspective of building a house. Build a solid foundation first. If you get that wrong then you have to start over. Build your self esteem in small, incremental parts until you get to the next level. Once there, continue to build piece by piece. It is the journey of life. The life you are building is far different and much more unique than any other house being built and that is where you find your inner self esteem.
How Do You Build Up Your Self Esteem?
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Taking the building of a house as our example, let’s start with the foundation. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to find the right materials to build up your self esteem.
- Do you compare yourself to others? If so, then stop. No one compares to you. You are a gift from God and He loves you. He wants you to become all you were meant to be, not a clone of others. You’ll see that comparison only brings you down to the level of others. It doesn’t lift you up and expound on your talents and gifts that God gave you.
- What do you see when you look in the mirror? A failure? A nobody? Christian author Wayne Jackson states that we should “Have a healthy view of oneself. Jesus said that we should love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). That implies a sound concept of self-esteem.” He goes on to say “Many appear to harbor a very meager appreciation of themselves—so much so that it hinders their effective service to God, and torments their lives with much unhappiness. Your warped sense of what you see can be likened to a funhouse with its many types of mirrors. What you see isn’t what you get! It’s only an illusion!
- Have you acknowledged your fears? Fear can stop us from doing many things but the bible is clear on this: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 4:6-7. You don’t have to let fear get the best of you. Acknowledge it and move on. You have a life to live so don’t live it by worrying about what others think, what others do or even what others have. Give your heart to Jesus and let Him show you the way. You will quickly see your fears disappear and a calmness and love fill your heart where fear was once entrenched.
- Are you stacking up your doubts? The more you stack your doubts up around you the bigger the wall you put between you and happiness and self confidence. We all have doubts but that doesn’t mean they are true. William Shakespeare once wrote, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Don’t betray yourself with false doubts, seize your opportunities and make the most of the. Life is in the living not the end result.
Now that we have built up our foundation and framed out our house, we must now install the walls and ceilings so we can bring in the furniture. Everything is a process that follows a set structure. Mess up that structure and you let doubt and low self esteem take over.
Self Esteem Boosters
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
Want to know the easiest way to boost your self esteem and live a life of pure confidence? Live, love and laugh. From the author Nicholas Sparks comes this nugget of wisdom: “When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.”
Joseph F. Newton states“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”
How true that is! Are you building walls or bridges?
An unknown author once said, “Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll.” Everything is based on perspective. What is your perspective? Does it need to be updated? Do you need to change your point of view to match the circumstances?
Let’s go over some ways you can boost your self esteem and become a confident person. These are just seven of many ways you can boost your levels of self confidence.
1- Kill negative thoughts – No matter what the situation is, always try to be positive. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out. You will find the more positive you become the more confidence will follow you around and that’s a good thing!
2- Be kind and generous – This is one thing that is sorely lacking in society at the moment and the more kindness and generosity you can give unconditionally, the more it will return to you multiplied many times over.
3- Know your principles and live by them – Your values guide you and make up who you are. Don’t compromise them just to “fit in with the crowd” or “to be popular” among your peers. Instead, follow what God has asked us to do: “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” Galatians 6:7-8.
4- Take a self-appreciation break – Learn to appreciate yourself and the things in your life. What is truly important to you for there your heart will be. Appreciate what you have and who you are with for without God you would have nothing.
4- Set a small goal and achieve it – Goals are great to a point. It’s not the goal itself that is important here but the way you go about achieving it that will determine your success or failure. Do your best and know inside your heart you are worthy to make it happen.
5- Change a small habit – Look over your life and see what habits you can change that will make you a better person. Don’t do it for others but for your own piece of mind. Make yourself the best you can be and offer it as an act of love to God and allow Jesus to work in your heart.
6- Focus on solutions – Nothing beats solving life’s problems. When you focus on doing what is right before the Lord, the answers to your problems will appear when you need them. There is a right and wrong way to do things Focus on doing and living a righteous life and do it for God and you will see great things come your way.
Society puts so much pressure on looks, social status and material things but god sees what’s in our hearts. When you can put Him above everything else you will see what is truly important in life and overcome your self esteem problems and gain real confidence to make your mark upon the world.
Be a lover of life, people and righteousness. Anything else, leave up to the Lord for He loves you unconditionally and you deserve to be loved.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – E.E. Cummings