Why Don’t You Trust In Yourself?
“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.”
Emerson
How many times have you made a decision only to regret it later on? You smack yourself on the shoulder and promise you’ll listen the next time you need to make a big decision only to find you keep doing the same thing over and over again.
Does this sound like you?
Many of us still have hang-ups, self-doubts and fears that we’re not good enough. It preys upon us at the worst possible times and we have no way of fighting back. We don’t trust the authentic person that resides deep inside of us and we pay for it… big time!
For years, I obsessed over all my stupid mistakes and lost faith in myself. When something went wrong I blamed myself instead of looking at things the way they really were. I denied who I was and I ended up distrusting others as well. Without any trust trust to speak of, I walked around in a haze unable to be confident in my own abilities.
We all know no one is perfect but you have to stop kicking yourself when things go wrong. You have to start believing in yourself. Life is too hard to stop trusting yourself. It’s a battle you just cannot win.
Don’t be conditioned to seek the approval and guidance of others so quickly at the expense of trusting our own instincts.
So how do you change the equation?
First you need to understand why it happens.
Losing trust is rooted in both self-judgment and negative beliefs. It is these self-judgments that haunt us. A little voice inside of us tells us we’re not good enough. It continues all through our lives and unless we’re able to silence the inner critic, we have no shot at trusting ourselves when it really matters.
You’ve probably suffered from these kinds of judgements at some point in your life but trusting one’s self is not as easy as it seems. You can’t just decide to believe in yourself. You have to make it a habit that sticks.
Each day you have to stop internalizing those voices of your past that tell you you’re not good enough. You have to realize failure is not a reason to judge yourself but a way to learn and improve yourself. Start by forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes. They don’t matter anymore. You only have right now to worry about.
That takes us to the next step which is developing a strong self trust you can rely on.
Developing Self Trust
“Insecurity is the lack of trust in your abilities and worth. When you enter into a secured state of consciousness, everything that helped boost your confidence will return.”
To develop a keen sense of self trust you have to begin by making and keeping promises with yourself. It’s all about building small wins that you can hold on to. You need to trust the one person you can count on – yourself!
Have the courage to depend on yourself to get things done when everyone is telling you you’re not smart enough, good looking enough or any other put down that can be used to keep you from finding the power inside of you.
That power is given to us from God. He alone gives us the strength to live the godly life. Philippians 4:13 tells us: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
We forget this when we go out into the world and allow people to hurt us and undermine our own self-trust. They’re the ones who don’t want us to be successful. They’re jealous and enjoy smashing our dreams to pieces while we stand there sullen and destroyed.
You can avoid this by surrounding yourself with people that support you and have your back. It takes courage to push out those people who don’t treat you with the respect you deserve but it’s got to be done.
Back up your convictions with strong, decisive actions and consistent improvements based on your values and principles. You will be much better off for it.
According to Cynthia Wall LCWS, a California psychotherapist. “Being kind to yourself increases self-confidence and lessons your need for approval. Loving and caring for yourself not only increases self-trust, it also deepens your connections with others.”
Here are 5 things you can do to develop better self trust and that will guide your life:
- Embrace Your Personal Power – Way too often we give our power to others when we should embrace it. Use what you’ve been give. If you make mistakes, learn from them. Don’t allow yourself to be small and insignificant. Break out of your shell and do what it right for you, not others!
- Ask Yourself The Really Tough Questions – Too afraid to ask the really tough questions because you might not like the answers? Too bad! You can’t hide forever. You need to force yourself to fight what is yours, you need to fight for yourself, and you need to fight for what is right… for you!
- Reconnect With Your Inner Truth – You know what is right or you. Your body knows as well as your heart and mind so go with what got you to this point in your life. No one ever said it would be easy but the inner truth is different for everyone. What is right for others may not be right for you and vice versa. Often, we try to emulate others who are successful but it is only from the outside. We cannot fathom what they are going through on the inside that is why you must be true to yourself and yourself only!
- Be A Person Of Majestic Faith – Faith can move mountains but if you don’t believe it. it cannot move even the smallest pebble. Your faith in yourself takes you as far as you want to go. Faith opens doors we thought are forever closed. Faith brings people, places and ideas into our space and gives us the hope to carry on. Without faith, you’re just a scared and lonely child afraid to take the next step.
- Everything you Need Is Already Inside Of You – As much as you don’t want to believe it, everything you will ever need to cope with and run your life is buried deep inside of you. Your quest in life is to uncover it and allow it to shine. What you do to uncover it will teach you about life in general and about who you really are. Those that discover it are the ones who will be successful as themselves. Tose that hide and do not seek are the ones who complain, are scared of making a move and don’t believe they have anything of value to offer. Embrace the quest and learn from it. You will gain strength and endurance while opening up new avenues of trust within yourself.
Building Trust In Yourself
“Within you is a fountain of wisdom. And you sell yourself short every time you allow some authority to define your limitations and cage your potential. Even if that authority lives in your head.”
Trust is courage. It takes a whole lot of courage to trust one’s self when things really matter but life is a series of classes where you must be ready to learn and apply what you have learned at the proper time.
Do you question your actions or decisions when things go wrong? Does your lack of trust hurt you at all the wrong times?
Think about it… Who else can make your decisions for you? Who else cares more than you do about yourself and your life?
The idea that we’re incapable of making wise decisions comes from fear. We fear failure and what comes with it more than we value success. We are so scared of failing that it inhibits us from being the person God made us to be.
in Joshua 1:9, we learn why trust is so important. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
If you allow your trust in God to erode, your trust in yourself will erode even quicker. God has given us this trust so that we can walk through life with our heads held high, fully knowing that we are loved and cared for. This should give you the impetus to be trusting of what God has in store for you and what He has done for you. The trust He has given should mirror the trust you have in yourself.
You can rebuild your trust by…
- Understanding, recognizing, and believing in your innate value and worth.
- Rejecting the negative messages you received as a child and accepting the positive love that is and always be in your heart.
- Not trying to control everything around you so that you feel safe. Safe doesn’t make things happen. It inhibits you from enjoying life and learning from your past mistakes.
- Not comparing the things you’ve done with what others have and are doing. You are a unique individual whose life is your own. What happens to others is their business. Keep your business to yourself.
- Not denying your own needs and wants. You deserve trust so claim it as your own!
- Always telling the truth and taking responsibility for your own actions. Every lie pushes you further from your inner truth. You should be going forward not backwards in life.
- Not sabotaging your life. It’s about dealing with things as they happen and being able to handle the consequences of your actions. Don’t sabotage things just so you don’t have to deal with what comes next.
- Not expecting failure to happen but to regard success as an innate part of who you really are. Being successful and working to be successful are two different things. Failure is never an option but knowing when you have failed is the first step to being successful in any venture.
- Keeping your word, your commitments, and your promises to to others. To be untrustworthy is the ultimate disrespect to to others. Learn to be someone who can be trusted and you’ll never lose trust in yourself.
- By learning to use your instincts in life. Don’t rely on your physical senses to get you by.
Building trust in yourself means you stand firm in your values and follow through with integrity on your decisions. It should be your one aim to pursue your goals and aspirations without letting the opinions of others distract you or force you to lose trust in yourself.
You have to be strong enough to block out all the external noise around you and believe in your talents and knowledge. Trust yourself to do and act in a way that best serves your needs. It’s not selfish to put yourself first especially when doing what is right for your own life.
Let me leave you with this quote from Ernest hemingway which says, “Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.”
